SUNDAY SPINS: SAINT CLOUD BY WAXAHATCHEE

          A friend of mine suggested Waxahatchee’s Saint Cloud album. I laughed lightheartedly that I was excited to be working on an easy and straight-forward Indie Folk album to review. And then I found out that Waxahatchee, AKA Kathryn Crutchfield, decided to get sober. And I decided to go back to therapy this week. I have never had to get sober but every heartbreak I’ve experienced is written down in these lyrics to Saint Cloud. I can’t remember the last time I sobbed so hard to music, but Katie Crutchfield broke my fucking heart with this album. If you have something heavy you’re carrying around on your chest, put this record on and cut yourself a break.

          “Oxbow” begins with this untraditional indie-folk intro and it’s Katie Crutchfield’s raspy voice that brings it back to the center. The song is a simple opener to the beginning of Crutchfield’s story and album, What dreams become concrete? They may feel trite. Crutchfield has already shot me in the heart by ending the song with her repeated, simple whisper of,  I want it all. And, isn’t that enough of a burden to feel like an actual oxbow? “Can’t Do Much” adds a lightness and brightness to the entire album. A song about loving someone who is equal parts annoying but endearing, and it is too late for your heart to go back. Bill Lennox of Bonny Doon adds his harmony to the song thus solidifying the band’s contribution for both the album and postponed tour. “Fire” is Crutchfield’s own self-reflection through her sobriety. There are times that I have looked back from where I’ve come from, what I’ve overcome in my young life, and by doing so, have cracked my own heart open. There is this overwhelming sadness to see yourself for who you were and the profound pain of becoming who you were meant to be.

          There seems to be this hollowing loneliness in Crutchfield’s song, “Lilacs”, like she’s been out there chasing the feeling of being whole. She sings, I'm happy, baby Like I got everything I want … I won't end up anywhere good without you I need your love too.  I think that at times, love and codependency can feel the same. It’s hard to tell the difference because, in the beginning, it’s so sick and so subtle. In my early twenties, I would have adored Waxahatchee’s, “The Eye''. I would have dreamt of a trusted heart outside my own to see the vulnerable, obscure, and artistic sides of myself. A love song about displaying your art and all the things that shook you: your pains, your insecurities, your battles to another person who understands your absolute core. There is something beautiful and sincere about that sort of love. “Hell” is Waxahatchee’s best song on the Saint Cloud album. And I hover above like a deity But you don't worship me You don't worship me … I'll put you through hell”. A Dolly Parton influenced song examines egocentric struggles of being a bitter abuser to those nearest and dearest.

          “Witches”, a story about a modern-day Coven running around town, raising hell. To Crutchfield, it’s Marlee, Lindsey, and Allison. To Preston, if you know, you know. You take it just like a man, babe Scathing at the first sight of pain, I read an interview where Crutchfield remarked on the lyrics saying, “I probably just had a bad interaction with a man. Because I do every single day of my life.” Don’t we all? My favorite lyric of the entire album is within this song, But if you wanna buy around, we might hang out Give us all something to talk about. Because Gentleman, The Coven knows about you and all your tomfoolery. The teacher who smokes pot all day and just doesn’t “want” to get a job? He is “The Teacher”. The man who disappears into a crippling depression, leaving you on read and then, remerges to show you “good music”? This is “Sometimes Sad Boy”. The only thing to fear more than these names is The Coven referring to you in your first name initial ... or worse, your actual name.

          “War” highlights the internal struggles between addiction, codependency, and toxic behaviors, and those people left in the wake of these behaviors. Crutchfield sings a healing chorus, I'm in a war with myself It's got nothing to do with you. Despite its heavy subject matter, the song is lighthearted. As if it’s less of a documentary ballad but a handwritten apology. “Arkadelphia”. I think everyone who has ever experienced immense, overwhelming heartbreak has their own “Arkadelphia”. It’s being pushed so far to the brink of despair that you go out searching for some sort of sliver of yourself from yesteryears. Sometimes, you’re successful. Sometimes, you’re not. But either way, it ends in looking over that drop off and deciding what you’re made of. Crutchfield transcends through the life of someone near and dear in “Ruby Falls”. Waxahatchee solemnly paints a history of someone who has struggled deeply and similarly to her. Unfortunately, their story has ended with much more finality than Crutchfield’s. 

          For a second time on this record, my heart just broke open for “St. Cloud”. I have been so fortunate to be loved in so many different ways. And so unfortunate to have been broken-hearted in so many different ways. But if I’m being honest, I don’t plan on leaving this world in one piece. Katie Crutchfield has crafted a poignantly perfect album in the form of Saint Cloud. I spoke about struggling to become and this album is what has made Waxahatchee the artist she needed to evolve to. If you’re out there beating yourself up about who you are or what you’ve done, just try to unburden yourself and your heart. Because that fight is never going to be fair.

Okay, it’s time for my appointment.